I have never written a birth plan. How can you even do such a thing when birth is so unpredictable!? I mean, even when I HAD a plan, things never went the way I expected them to, so I always kind of felt that moms who wrote birth plans and passed them out as they were wheeled into the L&D just felt the need to have control over every. little. thing.
But now I’m writing one.
Why a change of heart? Well, after four very different births, none of them anything like what I had envisioned, I am tired of feeling out of control when I’m wheeled into the L&D. So, to those moms who have a binder of requests, I feel you. I feel you so much.
My husband and I have become adamant on starting a garden this year. Where we live the natural soil is so full of rocks and boulders that planting directly into the ground would take months of hard prep work and thousands of dollars. So, we’ve been doing research on other ways we can start a garden and grow our own vegetables. The plan is to have enough fruits, vegetables and roots that we should spend significantly less on our grocery bill! And for a family of ten people groceries are a big chunk of our monthly budget!
Late Monday night I decided it was finally time to get ready for bed and I went downstairs to my bathroom to brush my teeth. Nothing came out of the faucet. I found out the next morning (after suffering through a night with dirty teeth.. ick) that there was a 6″ water main break nearby and most of our private neighborhood was without water. We went an entire day without water, but after they fixed the break we were put under a voluntary boil advisory. For those who have never experienced this, it’s simply a notice to advise everyone to boil their water before use.
When a water main breaks all kinds of nasty deposits enter the water. When they are fixing the break, even more gross stuff gets in there. So after the break is fixed and you finally get water pressure back all that stuff ends up in your glass and looks like this:
For the most part I’m a high functioning adult. I’m even responsible for the care of three other tiny people (my children) and even my husband. But I cannot keep scheduled appointments, I hate having small conversations because I feel like I am obligated to keep the small talk going (and I regularly fail at that) and I have an even harder time staying in contact with friends.
I live with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), Panic Disorder and Social Phobia. It seems like a lot and, honestly, it’s probably not the only thing I could be diagnosed with, but I feel the need to talk about it so more people will understand. People who are unaware of my conditions usually think I am bitchy, uninterested, bored, rude or distant. They may think I am purposely avoiding them and to some degree that may be true. But it certainly isn’t because I don’t want to get to know THEM, but it’s because I feel the need to avoid the social situation.
GAD involves non-stop worry about everything. There is a constant fear looming and I very rarely can pin point the reason why.
Panic Disorder involves a sudden fear, panic and feeling that you need to get away. My panic attacks are usually accompanied by chest pains, dizziness and shortness of breath and I am exhausted afterwards. They can last anywhere from 15 mins to several hours and literally leave you confused and unsure.
Social Anxiety/Phobia means I have a fear of social situations. I do not like to initiate conversations because I am afraid the person may not want to talk to me in the first place, I have a constant fear of being judged or that someone will notice how I am acting.